Welcome back to the Gents Weekly Podcast, a weekly show dedicated to helping men live better, work better, and be better - both in life and in business. Hosted by the Gents Journey co-founders.
In this powerful episode, Dean, Stephen, and Matt sit down with Andrew Reiner—author of Better Boys, Better Men—to unpack the complex, often contradictory world of modern masculinity. From the deep-seated fears fathers face when raising sons to the subconscious ways society conditions boys to bury their emotions, this conversation cuts straight to the core of what it means to be a man today.
Andrew shares profound personal stories—from a liberating moment of vulnerability on a cross-country flight to finding a deeper connection in a medium-security prison’s men’s group than he had with friends of decades. The gents also explore the dangerous “gap” between the traditional “man up” mentality and the modern push for hyper-vulnerability, ultimately pointing to a life-changing solution: the necessity of men finding their emotional “safety net.”
If you are a father, a son, or a man trying to navigate your own emotional landscape, this episode is a must-listen.
Key Takeaways & Topics Discussed
The “Man Up” Paradox: Matt highlights the confusing gap men face today—caught between the outdated “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality and the pressure to wear their hearts on their sleeves.
The Airplane Epiphany: Andrew shares a defining moment from his twenties when he openly sobbed while reading a sad novel on a flight. Instead of hiding it, he realized that allowing himself to be seen in a state of raw emotion was incredibly liberating.
Fear of Fatherhood: Andrew opens up about his initial terror upon finding out he was having a son. He discusses the heavy “baggage” of masculinity and the immense pressure of raising a boy intentionally in a culture that often works against male emotional health.
A Father’s Strength in Vulnerability: Stephen shares a touching story about watching E.T. with his son and breaking down in tears, proving that true strength includes modeling healthy emotional expression for the next generation.
The Science of Conditioning: Andrew breaks down landmark 2017 research by Dr. Edward Tronick, revealing that fathers and mothers subconsciously treat infant and toddler boys differently than girls—often offering less emotional “succor” and physical comfort to boys when they cry, while showing more positive neurological responses to their daughters’ smiles.
The “Safety Net” Imperative: Why boys and men so often turn to their female friends or partners for emotional support, fearing judgment from their male peers. Andrew stresses that the most important thing men can do is find a safe space—a men’s group or a “safety net”—where they can be transparent without fear of their “man card” being revoked.
Notable Quotes
“I didn’t almost want people to see me crying because there was something about it that just felt really liberating.” – Andrew Reiner
“Strength is crying... and strength is also being able to chop wood, both metaphorically and literally.” – Stephen Seidel
“I feel closer to these guys in this prison I just met than I do to guys I’ve been friends with for decades... This is revolutionary for a lot of guys, because we don’t think we’ve got permission to do it.” – Andrew Reiner
About Our Guest: Andrew Reiner
Andrew Reiner is an author, researcher, and professor who writes extensively on masculinity and the emotional lives of men and boys.
Learn more + connect:
Book: Better Boys, Better Men by Andrew Reiner
Instagram: @andrew.reiner.author
Email: areiner@towson.edu
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