Welcome to issue #39 of The Gents Weekly, a newsletter for the modern man.
New issues every week. Brought to you by the men of Gents Journey — Dean Bokhari, Stephen Seidel, and Matt McManus.
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📝 THE MESSAGE
A timely piece from the gents.
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Authentically you
by Dean Bokhari
There’s nothing as potent and powerful as a man on a mission, who knows what he’s after, and refuses to cower away from his masculine nature.
This week’s issue of The Gents Weekly is all about authenticity.
Being authentic means acting in a way that matches your true self, core values, beliefs, and inner thoughts rather than pretending to be someone else for approval.
When you’re authentically yourself - when you show up without pretending to be someone you’re not, you become unstoppable, you become more confident, and you show up with a certain presence… You develop an “aura” that people recognize as magnetic but can’t quite put their finger on.
If being authentic is a challenge for you, here are a few ways to develop it:
1. Love yourself first.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in life is this: if I don’t know how to love myself, I’ll never know how to love anyone (or any-thing) else. Expecting to find love outside of yourself before you’ve found it first from within is like expecting someone who doesn’t know how to read to teach a literature class—it’s just not possible. Love yourself first, and your authentic nature will come to the forefront.
2. Forgive yourself.
Yes—you’ve f*cked up in the past. We all have. Don’t let that get in the way of showing up as your authentic self. We all make mistakes. When you begin to forgive yourself for the faults and fumbles of your past - you make way for the true you to shine.
3. Stop pretending.
Many men (many many many many men 🎵) are great at faking authenticity. They pretend to be perfect, pretend to be happy, pretend to be confident, and pretend like they’ve never made mistakes… If that’s you, I’ve got news for ya, bromontana: people can see right through it. You might as well be wearing wet white t-shirt. Don’t pretend like you’re perfect. None of us are.
4. Never compare.
Comparison is one of the fastest ways to take all kinds of enjoyment out of your life. Comparison will kill your joy - and your authenticity. So don’t do it. If you compare yourself to anyone, compare yourself to who you were yesterday, last week, last month, last year, and on and on. When you focus on improving yourself, not proving yourself, your authentic self will naturally begin to arise.
— Dean Bokhari
Co-founder, Gents Journey
📰 THE MOMENT
Sh*t that’s happening now, ICYMI
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The Authenticity Check: Gut Check on How Real You Feel
Something I decided at a very young age was to be unapologetically myself. Even in the face of adversity, or when people thought I was a little strange or out there, I didn’t wear that as a badge of honor. I wore myself as a badge of honor, and I’ve always taken pride in that.
I think part of it was my father. He was always himself. He walked into a room and he was always confident. And I’ve come to see that confidence and authenticity are two different things. Plenty of people are confident. But confidence that isn’t backed up by authenticity is just a performance.
We live in an age where authenticity is currency. I’m not trying to say I’m monetizing mine, but I am quantifying it at all times. And it takes work. It means being honest with yourself at every turn.
Take this newsletter, for example. It’s going out a day late because I had a very busy day yesterday. There’s a little guilt attached to that, because I didn’t get my portion done in time. So I’m being authentic about it. I’m apologizing.
The two men I share this business with, this platform with, are some of the hardest working men I’ve ever met. I’ve learned a great deal from them over the last six years. But one thing we all had in common at the beginning was our complete, authentic selves. The three of us are very different. Our backgrounds, our ethnicities, our faiths, our families, and our experiences are all vastly different from each other.
Yes, there have been moments when the three of us, as a trio, had to have conversations that, under certain circumstances, especially over the last seven years, shifted a friendship or an understanding into a new chapter. Some of those chapters have been negative. Some have been positive. There’s a whole spectrum there. But the authenticity of each of us as individuals adds up to the ultimate strength of the authenticity of this brand. That’s something I want to instill in all of you.
When you look in the mirror and you’re honest with yourself, you can be honest with the people around you. To me, that’s the definition of authenticity.
As we close out this year and approach the next, I want to leave you with a few thoughts. Are you happy with the person you see in the mirror? Or, better yet, do you have enough conversations with that person? The more conversations you have with yourself, the better.
I have one of those conversations every morning in front of the mirror, and another in my journal. It’s not really a diary. It’s an honest account of myself, with myself, every day.
In the coming year, we’re releasing a product called the Journey Journal. We can’t wait to show you what it is. It will help you see how powerful your own hero’s journey has been, and it’ll prop you up on a solid understanding of your own authenticity.
Below is a quick gut check you can run on yourself. It isn’t a test of how authentic you actually are, and it isn’t a judgment of how other people see you. It’s about how you feel about yourself right now: where you feel like you’re showing up as you, and where you feel like you’re performing. Copy it into ChatGPT or Claude, answer the questions honestly, and see what comes back.
Here’s a quick prompt to add to the bottom of the post:
Quick Authenticity Check:
Copy this into ChatGPT or Claude and answer honestly. It takes about five minutes.
I want a quick, fun gut check on how authentic I feel about myself right now. Not how authentic other people think I am. How I feel about it.
Ask me 8 questions, one at a time. Keep them short and a little playful. Mix in questions about how I show up at work, with friends, with family, and when I'm by myself.
After my answers, give me:
1. A one-line read on how authentic I feel
2. Where I feel most like myself
3. Where I feel like I'm performing
4. One small thing I could do this week to feel more like me
Be honest but kind. Don't flatter me, and don't pile on.
Answer honestly. Then ask yourself the question from above: do you have enough conversations with the person in the mirror?
👊 THE MOVES
Media for men.
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Who are you?
When we're born, we have infinite possibilities. But as we age, society, the people, and things we chase in life begin to change us.
Then at some point in a man’s life, we realize it’s up to us to step up and take ownership of who we are.
Be your most authentic self.
“Authentic” has become a buzzword, so you can swap it with truthful, organic, or honest. The meaning never changes.
Content used to be king, but now authenticity is.
The data backs it up.
In a Stackla study, 90% of consumers said authenticity matters when deciding what they like and support. Not to mention, people are now more adept at sniffing out AI and fake images. So much so that Substack now reviews its content to ensure it’s human-derived.
Watch: Authenticity is King in Marketing
About five years ago, a friend of mine was creating killer organic content, so I reached out to her and said, “Who is creating your content?”
She was, with a little help from an amazing editor, Ryan (from the video above).
She was not only showcasing her truest self, but weaving in her expertise, while letting us see everything, from the mundane moments to the most important parts of her day. That’s why it worked.
And in the age of AI, it matters more now than ever. As a fellow content creator, I couldn’t agree more, as we all know you can see through the BS online.
Posing as the perfect life
Pretending to be problem-free
AI videos
AI-generated captions
So much so, that there are numerous tool to spot whether content was created by a real human, like me writing this, or AI. Here’s a Reddit around How to detect AI.
We are all human. And as AI and machine learning grow, showing who you are and your true colors isn’t only nice; it’s essential.
Mistakes Make Us Human
What we go through, we grow through.
We all fall or fail. What matters more is getting back up, while sharing your story tells ourselves (and others) that we can all do hard things.
Growing up in Philly, I was a huge Rocky fan. He was the epitome of the underdog, which was exactly what our city was too. One line from his films that comes to mind is about moving forward in the face of adversity.
And the man behind Rocky, Sylvester Stallone, lived that line long before it ever appeared on screen. He was born with partial facial paralysis after a forceps injury at birth, which is why he has a drooping lip and a slur, but he made it work for him.
Sly was so broke he sold his dog for $40 to make ends meet, and refused to give up creative control of his script. Offers came in above $300K, but he said “no”, as he needed to star in the picture.
Stallone bet on himself, broken and destitute, but alive with creativity to ultimately make the film for $1 million and win Best Picture, and put him on track to become one of Hollywood’s hottest stars
I can’t wait to see “I Play Rocky” coming out soon, which tells this story and comes out next week.
He didn’t do it for the execs, audience or money; he did it for his most authentic self.
Be The Mirror
As fathers and men, we wear many masks and hats in our daily lives.
One of the keys to a healthy life is balance.
Maintaining home and work life
Carrying provider and protector roles
Juggling regular day-to-day and moments that matter most
When you show up as yourself, others can get to know the real you faster, and that’s where most strong bonds begin to cement themselves.
But when you show up inconsistently, as one kind of man one day and a totally different one the next, it’s hard to build trust.
Sometimes we shield ourselves, and for good reasons, but when we are transparent, it helps us connect.
Connection is key.
Connection to your calling.
Connection to your creativity.
Connection to your company.
Connection to your community.
When you share your toughest moments, or even the simpler ones like trying to get your kids to bed, you let others see themselves in you.
Be the Mirror. Only when you reveal your innermost self can you build a relationship in today’s automated and animated world.
Here’s your challenge: take out your phone and film a quick video today sharing what you’re most excited about in life, and what’s weighing on you.
Post it on social media, or don’t.
Either way, begin your exploration into authenticity and know that who you are, and where you’re at, is just right.
— Stephen Seidel
Co-founder, Gents Journey
🔗 MEANINGFUL MENTIONS + MAGIC LINKS
Fun stuff you’ll dig about our theme of the week.
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Get Your Free AI Brand Audit from Stephen Seidel
Until next week,
—The Gents
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