Shuffle the Deck
What if traditions aren't about perfection? What if they're about presence?
I always watch The Fellowship of the Ring every Christmas.
It reminds me of the three years those movies came out when I was a young man. My friends and I would go to the theater together on Long Island. Snow falling outside. Watching a story about brothers inside.
Because really, that’s what The Lord of the Rings is. It’s a story about how you need a fellowship. A group of men around you to help you accomplish insurmountable things. Like throwing a ring into a volcano to eradicate evil from existence.
That’s my tradition. I watch it every year and remember that.
And it’s kind of fitting based on what we’re building here at Gents Journey. We’re building a fellowship too.
But we always feel pressure during the holidays to do things right. And it’s traditions that make us feel like we’re succeeding or failing at the holidays.
Men experience this season differently. There’s provider pressure. Family dynamics. Even isolation.
Sometimes we feel the most isolated around the people we consider family. Because families can be difficult. That’s why they make comedies about it.
The traditions we inherited? Sometimes they’re different from what we actually want.
So I’d like you to consider some new traditions this year. Shake up the deck, pun intended.
A recent holiday experience made me think differently about all of this.
I hate driving people to the airport. But I drove my best friend to LAX so she could make her flight on time to Hawaii. And you know what? It felt really cool to be there when everyone else was there too. Traffic aside, I just felt kind of in the holiday spirit because I was helping my friend get somewhere that’s pretty expensive and difficult to reach, especially during the holidays.
I hugged her before she got on her plane and thought, “Hey, that was a nice holiday experience.”
I liked making new ornaments to put on the tree as a kid. My son does the same thing. But I let go of that at some point and we stopped doing it. And it makes me feel guilty.
So I don’t want you guys to feel pressure to be as traditional as you might want to be based on your upbringing or your experiences.
What if traditions aren’t about perfection? What if they’re about presence?
Not just the kind you receive, but being present for the people around you and yourself.
You don’t need your dad’s traditions. You can build your own.
Brotherhood during the holidays is probably one of the best things. We all love those movies about hometowns and when people come back during the holidays and the antics friends get into.
Remember, there are people from your past in that hometown you may have forgotten about. Maybe reconnect with one of them. Or two. Or a whole group.
Create a new tradition this year.
Experience the things you normally like to experience, but throw a monkey wrench into the deck of experience and tradition.
Reach out to a guy who might be struggling during the holidays.
Give yourself permission to do the holidays your way.
In closing, what tradition are you actually looking forward to this year? And what thing are you letting go of?
I think at the end of the day, we find strength in our individuality. And our individuality is actualized, seen, heard, and made to feel real when we share it with others.
So I’m just asking you—as our subscribers, as our friends, as our followers, as our comrades—to give yourself a break this year.
Shuffle the deck.
What’s one tradition you’re keeping? And what’s one you’re letting go of? Drop it below.
P.S. If you haven’t checked out The Journey Deck, it’s our product designed to help men make new friends and build real connections. As the new year approaches, we’ve got some amazing things coming. Check it out.
 | A guest post by
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